Failure is Lurking

Failure: a lack of success in or at something; something that falls short of what is required or expected; somebody or something that is unsuccessful.

I have failed at many things in life but I have never seen myself as a failure. I have always fought the good fight and not given up until the very end, if I give up at all. I am stubborn so I will fight and fight and fight more no matter what the circumstances because I don’t ever want to give up. However, I have a challenge in my life right now that has caused me to feel like a failure and to give up. I am in graduate school at the University of Alabama. I have absolutely loved all of my classes up until this summer. In June I started a statistics class which has been a thorn in my side since the day I received the syllabus. It is one of the hardest classes I have ever taken in my life, the teacher has not taught one thing (she tells instead of teaching), we are covering a semesters worth of material in 8 weeks, we are not allowed to ask the same question twice (she sighs if we ask more than once), we are talked as if we are stupid, we have a quiz and assignment due every week, our final is comprehensive and worth 200 points, and there is absolutely no room for error or mistakes. Now I know…I chose to take this class and I chose to be in graduate school but I am there to be taught-not to be told.

Failure defeated me last night and I think I have given up. It has been a long work week, it stormed on me all the way to class (it is an hour drive to school and an hour drive home), I get in class only to discover that I left my homework at home (if it is not turned in on the day it is due then we get a zero), I ran back out to my car in the pouring rain to look for my homework so I got soaked, came back in and had 5 minutes to do the homework, we had a quiz that was so tough for me because I was so frustrated that I turned it in blank (not totally blank-my name was on it), and then the true final straw….we were taken to the computer lap and told “good luck”. By the end of the class, I walked out of the computer lap with an attitude of defeat and I feel as though I am a total failure. For the first time in my school life, I have thought about not finishing a class. I know that I am going to finish it so I can say that I have but failure is lurking right in front of me.