% of Time

% of time? What does that mean? I learned the valuable lesson of a % of time this morning in Sunday school. My husband and I will be involved in a marriage mentoring group this month. We are joined up with 3 other couples and we will be counseled by a strong Christian couple. As I looked at the sheet with the other couples names, I realized that a % of time was listed next to each person regarding the % of the number of times that someone has been in Sunday School since joining the class. I was absolutely saddened and shocked at the number next to my name. I remember the days of having a 95-100% next to my name. I am so embarrased and shocked by the number next to my name that I can't even put it in writing.
As I stared at the number, so many reasons popped into my head as to why I have not been in Sunday school as often as I should...took a while to find a couples SS class, traveled a lot when we first joined the class, weekends of babysitting, and severe fatigue when I was in my first 4 months of pregnancy. As I said the reasons in my head, I realized that I was using excuses for why I have not been in SS and not reasons. There are legitimate reasons for why I have not been in SS on many Sunday's but what about the other Sunday's? I can not think of one reason for why I was not there. I also looked at the % of time and thought about the lack of times I have been in SS and compared it to the amount of time I have spent in God's word at home. My % of time at home is not close to 95-100% either.
I thought about the % of time the entire SS class and compared it to our SS topic on true believers/spiritual people. What kind of example do I set for my husband, my family and my friends by not going to SS? What am I telling God about what I think of Him and my time with Him? My % of time with God has to change because it is important to God, my spiritual life, my family's life and the example that I set for others.
What is your % of time spent with God?

2009 Brief Review

2009 was a year filled with joy, sorrow, fun times, hard times, growth, changes, ups and downs, new adventures and so much more. 2009 has been filled with learning how to be a wife, a better manager at work, a daughter, a better friend, a stronger Christian, and a mother-to-be. I have learned so much about myself through life and through my husband. I fail everyday at being the best wife, manager, and friend I can be but every experience is a growing experience. One of the most exciting events in my year, besides being married, is being a mother-to-be. I struggled with a miscarriage earlier in the year and wondered how long I would wait before having a child. God answered my prayer in 6 months and I am in-waiting now. It is amazing how a pregnancy..actually a child..can put everything into perspective. I no longer can put myself first but I put my husband and the health of my child first. Every decision I make with my body is determined by what my son needs. Bearing a child has been a time in which I have experience love, trust, growth, fear and many emotions. One of the greatest events that has happened in the pregnancy has been that my son decided it was time to remind me that he is there by kicking me often. Life amazes me because he has already shown distaste with the ultrasound doppler and with my laptop being on my stomach. He kicks until those two things are gone. My son has reminded me to enjoy the little things in life and that joy can come from something as small as a kick. As for 2010, I only have a few goals..being a stronger Christian...strive to be a better wife...be the best mother I can be. What are your goals for the year?

It Is Alive..Is It Alive For You?

Today was a beautiful day in Sunday school. A missionary from Paris, Chris, spoke in our Sunday class about how he spreads God's word. There were two themes that resonated throughout the entire time he talked...Prayer and the Bible is alive. He spoke about his mother praying for him for 25 years straight that he would become a Christian. He talked about how he picked up the Bible after becoming a Christian and the Bible was alive for him. Alive...have you ever thought about the Bible being alive and real? Real stories..real people..real prayers..real miracles..real betrayals..real families.. Every time Chris was asked about how he relates the Bible to his life and to his work, he repeated over and over again that the Bible is alive and when you pick it up you can't help but see that it is alive. He spoke about his time working with Muslims and other individuals and he said that there is no way that someone can pick up the Bible and not see it as alive. He shared the story of an individual who read one parable and with God's intervening from that one parable, he became a Christian. One story..one real story..one story that is alive in the Bible. He shared about how he can be struggling with life and when he puts himself in the Word, he is alive again. Is the Bible alive for you?

Ethical Dilemmas

I have been missing from the blog world and I am not even sure if anyone even reads anymore but I will still write because it is good for the soul.

I have had many changes in life and in case you haven't heard, I am expecting a new little one. We find out in a few weeks and I can't wait. I want a girl and my husband wants a boy. We will know officially on December 1st.

Life is busy getting ready for the changes and with that comes stress from every direction. One particular stress I am struggling with is that I have recently been put into a situation that has caused me to be forced to conduct practices that I feel are unethical but others think are perfectly okay. The definition of ethical is "pertaining to right and wrong in conduct". My question is how do you fight something that you believe to be unethical but you are met with the challenge of convincing others that unethical practices are happening. How as a Christian do you stand up for what is right when there is so much at risk if you stand up? How do you fight for what is right when you know that you are not going to win the battle? How do you continue to fight when you are constantly met with opposition and the fight leads to arguments and disagreements that get ugly?

All I know to do is to pray that what is right comes to light and I can find a practical way to fight for what I know is right.

Hidden Emotions

I am in the midst of my first trimester of pregnancy and I get teary eyed when something sad or great is shown on television. The other day I got teary eyed while watching a tv program, I asked myself "what are you upset about" and I tried to dry up the tears. Once I cleared up my teary eyes, I thought about all the times that we hide our true emotions from ourselves and others because we are ashamed or think we are doing something wrong. We have truly become immune to rejoicing in tears with the small and big things in life whether they are sad or happy. Why do we feel the necessity to hide our true emotions? Why do we let our emotions run our lives and keep us from crying when happy things happen. I think we have trained ourselves to only cry when something really sad happens but what about all the other times? I remember as a child being told how to control my emotions, being told when it was okay to cry, being told when it was not okay to cry and I remember feeling shame if I cried when I wasn't supposed to. Although I am only watching television (and no, I am not crying at soap operas-he, he) but I do cry/get teary eyed when there are shows about real things that happen to real people and I think about all of the times that I have had friends who needed someone to cry with them but I protected my emotions so I wouldn't cry with them or I wouldn't embarrass them. It is amazing how I feel after I have had a great cry and life seems a little bit better. When was the last time you cried? Have you ever cried from being joyful? I am looking forward to motherhood but I am amazed at what I am learning about myself emotionally. PS I am not sure that my husband is enjoying me crying at tv shows but maybe he can learn a little bit more about me. :)

A Changing Life

Friends come and go and I wonder why! When I think about life, I think about all of the transitions we go through..birth, toddler, preschool, school age, high school, college, new job, family, empty nest, retirement and death. Think back on those times in your life and think about the friends that you have had and those friends that you still have. I am in a period in my life where I am watching friendships change around me and I don't know how to hold on to those friends. We are all going through life changes and differences are coming to the surface but I question why we can't all go through the changes together. Why can't we share in the joys and sorrows in life together? We have friends in our lives for seconds, moments, months, years and a lifetime. Think about those in your life and thank the Lord everytime for the friends you have had, those you have, and those friends to come.

The Bus or No Bus?

The yellow bus with the flashing lights is coming down the street. A child hides in the bushes not wanting to ride the bus but instead wanting her mom to take her to school. Yes, I am talking about myself. I remember as a child hiding in the bushes because I hated the bus. I have been reminded of this memory in the last two weeks as I have been driving through my neighborhood to head to work, I have watched a little boy walk as slowly as he can towards the bus, he stops at the top of the hill to see if the bus has come or not, waits and lets the bus leave without him, puts a big smile on his face and turns around to walk home. I have been feeding a neighbors cat so I get to watch him every morning. I sit in my car and watch him because he walks slower and slower every day since I am assuming that his mother is making him leave the house earlier and earlier because he can't seem to make it to the bus on time. Can you imagine the scene in his house as he has shown up back at home almost every day this week because he missed the bus. I wish I could see the look on his mom's face. Was there anything in your childhood that you purposely avoided?

The Waiting Game

Waiting, as a child, to be older..waiting in lines..waiting for life to get better when it is all going horribly wrong..waiting to hear from friends...waiting, as a college student, for graduation..wait, wait, wait. I sometimes feel like I have spent a large majority of my life in a waiting game. This concept has become more real to me recently because since the age of 4, I longed to be married and to be a mother. I "waited" for 37 years until I was blessed with a loving husband. Now, I have waited that long to be a mother and yet, for some reason, God has me in a waiting game. I have longed for so long to be a mother, to hold a baby in my arms, to teach my children about Christian values, to drop my children off on their first day of kindergarten, to have family dinner times, to see my children take their first steps...to just have a loving, Christian husband and children.

I am so tired of waiting. I am tired of being patient. I am tired of waiting to see the positive sign to show up on the test but it never does. I question why I am having to wait. I don't want to hear that God is trying to teach me patience or show me something or that He is waiting for me because I am confused as to why He would allow me to have the desire to have children and yet, that desire continues to stay unanswered after over 30 years of waiting.

I am angry that my doctor told me that time is not on my side. I am angry that my doctor told me that having thyroid problems is not on my side. I am angry that my doctor wants to put me through a battery of tests in a month to see if "something is wrong with me". I am ready for life to be easy for just once..just once I don't want to have to wait...I want to feel the excitement and joy to have a 30-something year desire to come to fruition.

I am tired of playing the waiting game. Can't I win just one game of the waiting game?

Limits

Boot Camp 2009 rocked into my life and kicked my butt. My friend Becky invited me to come along with her to the Boot Camp she is participating in. Even though they were in their last week of class, I thought for sure that visitors would catch a break. Was I ever wrong! We moved from backward lunges, crab walking on the asphalt all while keeping paper plates under our feet, jumping over cones, 100 sit-ups, 50 push ups and so much more. I complained the entire time and came so close to quitting. By the end of the 1 hour class that started at 5:45am, I was trembling and feeling sick. What is amazing is that I managed to finish the hour workout and I am still feeling the pain a few days later. However, I have felt pain in muscles that I did not know even existed. In the end, it was a great day learning how much I can push myself despite the pain.

As I have with so many things in life, I wondered how I could take this experience and apply it to my current life and there are so many areas. I thought about all of the times when I have wanted to quit different things because of the pain and stress. How many times has the Lord pushed me in my life to trust Him but I grumble and complain the entire time and try to quit or I do quit but once it is over, I look back and realize how much I learned about myself.

The Boot Camp class pushed me to my absolute limits but I realized that we are all going to be pushed to the limit in life more than one time but we will always survive. There will be challenges, struggles, pain, fear, feeling sick and much more but we always grow from our experiences.

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