Limits

Boot Camp 2009 rocked into my life and kicked my butt. My friend Becky invited me to come along with her to the Boot Camp she is participating in. Even though they were in their last week of class, I thought for sure that visitors would catch a break. Was I ever wrong! We moved from backward lunges, crab walking on the asphalt all while keeping paper plates under our feet, jumping over cones, 100 sit-ups, 50 push ups and so much more. I complained the entire time and came so close to quitting. By the end of the 1 hour class that started at 5:45am, I was trembling and feeling sick. What is amazing is that I managed to finish the hour workout and I am still feeling the pain a few days later. However, I have felt pain in muscles that I did not know even existed. In the end, it was a great day learning how much I can push myself despite the pain.

As I have with so many things in life, I wondered how I could take this experience and apply it to my current life and there are so many areas. I thought about all of the times when I have wanted to quit different things because of the pain and stress. How many times has the Lord pushed me in my life to trust Him but I grumble and complain the entire time and try to quit or I do quit but once it is over, I look back and realize how much I learned about myself.

The Boot Camp class pushed me to my absolute limits but I realized that we are all going to be pushed to the limit in life more than one time but we will always survive. There will be challenges, struggles, pain, fear, feeling sick and much more but we always grow from our experiences.

Extreme Fit Training

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http://www.extremefittraining.com/boot-camp-giveaway

Have fun entering!

Hopeful Below the Water

Do you ever feel like you are struggling to keep your life above water? You can see the bright future and the many blessings in life but it still feels like you are just under the surface of the water but you can't seem to reach the top. I have been struggling with balancing married life, work and grad school. I feel sometimes that I wake up struggling to catch my breath and I go to bed still trying to catch my breath. I lose my temper easily, I immediately say no to everything at work before even thinking about what I should say, I stay stressed out about my thesis and sometimes I just lose hope in things ever calming down. I am ready for peace and times to not be so hard. However, God has a different plan. A few weeks ago in church the pastor spoke about the fact that we need to prepare for hard times and we, as Christians, are not immune to despair and loss of hope. A verse that really spoke to my heart was

1 Peter 1:3-Blessed by the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

The sermon spoke about the idea that grace comes when we are mindful of God and we need to include God in the equation of life. I need to ask myself "what is my concept of God?" My concept of God shapes everything. My concept of God has been that there is no mercy being shown and I just want a break from things in life being so hard. However, I am told to endure the hard times in life with patience and graciousness. God is in the best and worst moments in life and I should never give in to despair, resentment, bitterness or anger. I must demonstrate my faith in God to those around me, be mindful of God all of the time, and know that there is a purpose for where I am.

Where are you in life and what is your concept of God? Where is your focus?

Love Is Not a Fight

Love Is Not A Fight
By: Warren Barfield

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we answer in
Then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
But demand we give our all

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for

4 Months of Marriage

The hubby and I have been married almost 4 months and it is still an everyday learning experience. I don't think we have had a calm month so far but it has been fun. Here are a few of the highlights from our 4 months:


Weekend Florida Beach Trip

Fighting over the covers and stealing pillows even though the hubby has his own pillows but for some reason he needs three pillows at night

Sleep study followed by finding out that the hubby has to get a CPAP machine

Punching the hubby in the ribs in my sleep telling him "that's a great deal" (I guess I was dreaming about shopping)

Getting punched in the face in the middle of the night as the hubby was dreaming of spiders because I had messed with him before going to bed about spiders

Deep teeth cleaning for the hubby (I think he is falling apart at his age)

New king size mattress

Great very late night talks (3-4 hours of sleep is becoming the norm for me)

New food/cooking experiences

Traveling to the in-laws for Easter

Finishing grad school for the semester

Game nights

First snow together

Learning to balance time at work, time for school and time for marriage

Missing old friends who think that because we are married, we don't go out (we still like to do things for all of our friends who are reading this)

Exposure to mystery movies (for me)

Softball games at all hours of the night

Lots of unexpected expenses

Losing my grandmother

The hubby took a day off of work to help my office move furniture

Forgetting to put the trash out before the garbage men come

Disagreements over the temperature of the house (yes, I can be cold in 80 degree weather)

Lots and lots and lots and lots of laundry

The phrase "do you love me" can be used as an apology, affirmation, a question and a confirmation

Trying to figure out where to put all of the wedding gifts all while trying to finish writing wedding thank you notes

A 6 hour birthday party for a friend who is throwing his own party

Random holidays at work (for Jamie) are unfair..I mean really..who gets Confederate Memorial Day off (oh yeah...state employees)

Lots of fun messing with the hubby on the phone while pretending to be one of his claimants at work (I have fooled him a few times)

The rabbit does eat the bills (inside joke about a evil looking stuffed rabbit on our mantel who holds the bills until we pay them)

Relay for Life

Here are a few pics from our recent adventures:

The Real Me

I hide my heart and my true feelings at times..I sometimes cry alone other times with those who love me surrounding me...I hide the heartache I have...I work until I am ready to collapse with grief and tiredness...I stay busy to keep from having to stop and really listen...I get tired of life being so hard...I have joy in life...I smile and laugh...

I may hide at times but there is one person who knows me from head to toe and inside out...the one and only God. He knows "The Real Me". I love this song by Natalie Grant because it describes life at times.


The Real Me by Natalie Grant

Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty
Do I let it show, does anybody know?

[Chorus:]
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Oh,Cause you see the real me
Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But you love me even now
And still I see somehow
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Oh,Cause you see the real me
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I just wanna be me
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Oh,Cause you see the real me
And you love me just as I am
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me

"Have To" Versus "Want To"

Marriage for me will reach the 3 month milestone in less than a week. The "almost" three months has been filled with laughter, tears, joy, sorrow, and the "have to" versus "want to". I learned a few weeks ago what it means to choose my husband over my friends. I had a trip planned for over a month to see a friend of mine who was going to celebrate a very special time in his ministry. The plans were written in stone until 10:30pm the night before I was set to leave to head out of town.

My husband had been experiencing pain in his foot all week but we did not feel it was necessary to get it seen about until Saturday night when he got home and he could barely walk and he was in horrible pain.

I will admit that I struggled with what I had to do versus what I wanted to do. I wanted to go out of town and see my friend who is like a brother to me..I wanted to not be mad at my husband for the timing...I wanted my husband to wait until I got home from being out of town before going to the ER...I wanted a lot. I struggled with the "have to"..I have to miss my friends special day because I have to take care of my husband...I have to forgive my husband for the terrible timing...I have to follow God's command to honor my husband and to put him first. Now, you may be judging me for my struggle with the want to versus have to but I knew that I would hurt my friend and I knew that I would hurt my husband if I didn't chose him first. I knew what I had to do which was to chose my husband and to take care of him.

I would have never forgiven myself if I had not chosen my husband because as a Christian wife, he is to come first (or second after my relationship with Christ). I will admit that I cried a lot about having to hurt my friend because he is like a brother to me but I would have cried even more if I had hurt my husband by choosing my friend first. I will also admit that I got angry at my husband but through the anger, we had three days of conversation that ended up being very healthy and we talked about items that could have become problems later on. Through adversity came strength and love.

I hurt my friend and I hurt my husband because I even doubted what to do. Please before you judge me know that I am new at being a wife and I have a lot to learn and one of which is that my time is not 100% mine as it was when I was single. I love my husband and would do anything for him. I have to and want to love and take care of my husband.

Ephesians - Chapter 5:22-24,33
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 33. ...and the wife must respect her husband.

First Corinthians - Chapter 11:3
Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

Colossians 3:14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Snow in 2009

Drums, Jewelry and the Neighborhood

I pick up the phone to call to share a story about my life but she is not able to pick up the phone. I couldn't wait to hear about her family for a grad school project. I think of something funny and I want to tell her but I can't. My grandmother has been gone for almost three weeks and my heart is still in great pain. I can not tell you how many times I have picked up the phone to call her only to realize that I can't call her. I still haven't had the heart to take her phone number out of my cell phone. The thought of not seeing her name in my cell phone list hurts. I am working on a genogram (family tree) project for grad school and I was going to talk to her about her family history but I didn't make it to see her in time. She died a week before I was going to talk to her. My grandmother was my link to my mother who died when I was a young baby. She would share stories about my mother and her childhood. My grandmother would talk about her younger days, share about how she played the drums, and talk about how much her family meant to her. I will be sharing my family tree in class in one week and it is going to be hard to not have "her" section filled out on my project. I will have an emptiness on my report. I will share about her fiestiness, her love for watching her neighbors and their comings and goings, talk about her love for jewelry and purses and so much more. I am not really sure why I am writing this blog other than to say some things that I haven't said out loud. For those with grandparents still alive, call them and tell them that you love them. If you don't have any grandparents, call your parents and tell them how much they mean to you. We can never tell our family too many times that we love them.

Sign Off 10:42

My Grammy Eleanor went home to be with our Heavenly Father this morning at 10:42am. As my Uncle Paul (her son) is a police officer, he told me today that in his precinct that the code 10:42 is "signing off/off duty" for a police officer.

I have felt sorrow before but nothing like this. My heart is in a million pieces and each moment of today has been hard. I miss her with my whole heart and I don't know that I am going to do without her. She was one of my rocks in life and a key to my past, present and future.

One thing that I have realized today is that we never have enough time to tell the ones we love that we love them. I have regrets about how I could have done some things differently but I know she knew that I loved her and I know that she loved me. Take time to tell those you love that you love them and give them an extra five minutes of your day. You will be glad that you did!