42 Weeks

My journey into motherhood began about 42 weeks ago. I remember the day I saw the word "pregnant" and I could barely breathe. I had waited 37 years to see that word and to know that I was going to be a mother. I woke Jamie up to tell him that we were going to be parents. From that moment on, life began to change. I had many moments of joy during the pregnancy: hearing the heartbeat, the first ultrasound, the day we found out it was a boy, deciding to name him James Sullivan (both family names), feeling the first movements, the first hiccups, spending time at night with just him (feeling him move), buying tons of boy items, decorating the nursery, and counting down the days until he was here. I started having contractions on Thursday, May 6th at 2:45am and I remember feeling scared and overjoyed at the same time. I couldn't believe that I was going to meet my little boy but I also knew that I was going to miss feeling him move (I still find myself reaching to my stomach to feel him move). My official labor began around 10am at the doctor's office and from there it was a whirlwind. The labor pains were horrendous but thank the Lord for epidurals. My labor did not go perfectly as my son and I both ended up in a degree of distress and he had to be delivered (after 3 hours of pushing) via forceps. My first thoughts when I saw him were "he is so small" and "why isn't he crying". I think I asked the doctor about 5 times why he wasn't crying and then he let out a tiny cry followed by a loud cry. I remember watching him while they cleaned him up and thinking "I am a mom". He was handed to me after a few minutes and I did not want to let him go. All I could do was stare at him and want to never let him go. My recovery has not been the easiest but he is completely worth it.
I am amazed at how quickly the motherly instinct kicked in. The moment he would cry, I had to pick him up and hold him tight. I would reach over into the bassinet to make sure he was breathing when he was quiet for more than 5 minutes. I stared at him and smiled at all of his facial expressions. I admired his little skinny body and still can't decide which of his little body parts are my favorite..I love his little feet, his long fingers, his cute little nose..I guess I love all of his little body parts. I know that I have to share him with relatives and friends but if it has been more than 2 hours since I have held him, I have to hold him for just a little while. I enjoy the moments when he is awake and learning about the world around him. I love how he roots around and tries to eat his hands when he is hungry. I love how he gulps his bottle as if he hasn't eaten in days. I love the squeaky noises he makes. I listen out for his sweet little voice. Despite the exhaustion, I love getting up with him at all hours of the night.
My sweet baby boy is truly a blessing and gift from God and I can't imagine my life without him. I can't wait to see what adventures come our way and I wonder who he will become as he gets older. As for right now, I am going to soak in every moment and cherish the memories.