The Waiting Game

Waiting, as a child, to be older..waiting in lines..waiting for life to get better when it is all going horribly wrong..waiting to hear from friends...waiting, as a college student, for graduation..wait, wait, wait. I sometimes feel like I have spent a large majority of my life in a waiting game. This concept has become more real to me recently because since the age of 4, I longed to be married and to be a mother. I "waited" for 37 years until I was blessed with a loving husband. Now, I have waited that long to be a mother and yet, for some reason, God has me in a waiting game. I have longed for so long to be a mother, to hold a baby in my arms, to teach my children about Christian values, to drop my children off on their first day of kindergarten, to have family dinner times, to see my children take their first steps...to just have a loving, Christian husband and children.

I am so tired of waiting. I am tired of being patient. I am tired of waiting to see the positive sign to show up on the test but it never does. I question why I am having to wait. I don't want to hear that God is trying to teach me patience or show me something or that He is waiting for me because I am confused as to why He would allow me to have the desire to have children and yet, that desire continues to stay unanswered after over 30 years of waiting.

I am angry that my doctor told me that time is not on my side. I am angry that my doctor told me that having thyroid problems is not on my side. I am angry that my doctor wants to put me through a battery of tests in a month to see if "something is wrong with me". I am ready for life to be easy for just once..just once I don't want to have to wait...I want to feel the excitement and joy to have a 30-something year desire to come to fruition.

I am tired of playing the waiting game. Can't I win just one game of the waiting game?