"Have To" Versus "Want To"

Marriage for me will reach the 3 month milestone in less than a week. The "almost" three months has been filled with laughter, tears, joy, sorrow, and the "have to" versus "want to". I learned a few weeks ago what it means to choose my husband over my friends. I had a trip planned for over a month to see a friend of mine who was going to celebrate a very special time in his ministry. The plans were written in stone until 10:30pm the night before I was set to leave to head out of town.

My husband had been experiencing pain in his foot all week but we did not feel it was necessary to get it seen about until Saturday night when he got home and he could barely walk and he was in horrible pain.

I will admit that I struggled with what I had to do versus what I wanted to do. I wanted to go out of town and see my friend who is like a brother to me..I wanted to not be mad at my husband for the timing...I wanted my husband to wait until I got home from being out of town before going to the ER...I wanted a lot. I struggled with the "have to"..I have to miss my friends special day because I have to take care of my husband...I have to forgive my husband for the terrible timing...I have to follow God's command to honor my husband and to put him first. Now, you may be judging me for my struggle with the want to versus have to but I knew that I would hurt my friend and I knew that I would hurt my husband if I didn't chose him first. I knew what I had to do which was to chose my husband and to take care of him.

I would have never forgiven myself if I had not chosen my husband because as a Christian wife, he is to come first (or second after my relationship with Christ). I will admit that I cried a lot about having to hurt my friend because he is like a brother to me but I would have cried even more if I had hurt my husband by choosing my friend first. I will also admit that I got angry at my husband but through the anger, we had three days of conversation that ended up being very healthy and we talked about items that could have become problems later on. Through adversity came strength and love.

I hurt my friend and I hurt my husband because I even doubted what to do. Please before you judge me know that I am new at being a wife and I have a lot to learn and one of which is that my time is not 100% mine as it was when I was single. I love my husband and would do anything for him. I have to and want to love and take care of my husband.

Ephesians - Chapter 5:22-24,33
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 33. ...and the wife must respect her husband.

First Corinthians - Chapter 11:3
Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

Colossians 3:14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Snow in 2009