Drums, Jewelry and the Neighborhood

I pick up the phone to call to share a story about my life but she is not able to pick up the phone. I couldn't wait to hear about her family for a grad school project. I think of something funny and I want to tell her but I can't. My grandmother has been gone for almost three weeks and my heart is still in great pain. I can not tell you how many times I have picked up the phone to call her only to realize that I can't call her. I still haven't had the heart to take her phone number out of my cell phone. The thought of not seeing her name in my cell phone list hurts. I am working on a genogram (family tree) project for grad school and I was going to talk to her about her family history but I didn't make it to see her in time. She died a week before I was going to talk to her. My grandmother was my link to my mother who died when I was a young baby. She would share stories about my mother and her childhood. My grandmother would talk about her younger days, share about how she played the drums, and talk about how much her family meant to her. I will be sharing my family tree in class in one week and it is going to be hard to not have "her" section filled out on my project. I will have an emptiness on my report. I will share about her fiestiness, her love for watching her neighbors and their comings and goings, talk about her love for jewelry and purses and so much more. I am not really sure why I am writing this blog other than to say some things that I haven't said out loud. For those with grandparents still alive, call them and tell them that you love them. If you don't have any grandparents, call your parents and tell them how much they mean to you. We can never tell our family too many times that we love them.

Sign Off 10:42

My Grammy Eleanor went home to be with our Heavenly Father this morning at 10:42am. As my Uncle Paul (her son) is a police officer, he told me today that in his precinct that the code 10:42 is "signing off/off duty" for a police officer.

I have felt sorrow before but nothing like this. My heart is in a million pieces and each moment of today has been hard. I miss her with my whole heart and I don't know that I am going to do without her. She was one of my rocks in life and a key to my past, present and future.

One thing that I have realized today is that we never have enough time to tell the ones we love that we love them. I have regrets about how I could have done some things differently but I know she knew that I loved her and I know that she loved me. Take time to tell those you love that you love them and give them an extra five minutes of your day. You will be glad that you did!

My "Grammy" Is Going Home

My Grammy Eleanor, who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, may be going home to our Heavenly Father this week. She is in the ICU fighting for her life. I am heartbroken that she will be leaving because I won't be able to call and talk to her about what is going on in our lives, I won't be able to take her out to eat after going to a doctor's appointment, I won't be able to take her to the grocery store and listen to her fascination at how much things have changed, she will never meet her grandchild she always hoped I would have (no, I am not pregnant), she will not celebrate another Christmas or birthday, she won't be in constant pain anymore from being 88 years old, I will miss her laugh that was so contagious, I will miss her fiesty personality that kept all of us on our toes and in tears from laughter, I won't be able to ask her stories about my childhood, I won't be able to hear her stories anymore about her exciting life when she was young, and most of all, I will miss her hugs. Her hugs from her petite little body have always been so strong and full of love. I will miss the love she always showed me! I will miss you Grammy!

Silence in Class

My church home is a place where I have worshipped and met multitides of people. I have been at my church home for 12 years and my life has been blessed by the words spoken in the church service, the lessons taught in Sunday school and through the many friends I have made. I have been a part of the singles group for 12 years but today was a day in which I ventured into the married classes for the very first time with my husband. We have been invited to a few classes so we decided that today was the day for us to start so we started with a class that we were first invited too. We walked into a class that was filled with many couples of different ages (mainly 28-45) and many have children and many don't. My husband and I walked in to the class and we were met by two men and one woman who said hello, introduced themselves, welcomed us to the class, pointed out the donuts that were available, and then they walked away. We were left standing there, alone, not knowing a soul. As we stood there looking around the room, I noticed that everyone found their friends and stood in their "friend" circles. My husband and I stood alone for almost 10 minutes before I decided to pick up my purse and walk out because I realized that we are new to the class and no one seemed to care that we were new and that we needed to meet people. Yes, I could have walked around the room introducing myself but my philosophy has always been that when a visitor walks into a room, I am to immediately walk over and introduce myself, walk them around the room to introduce them to others, and then invite them to sit with me. We were greeted with total silence. My first impression of the class was that we did not matter and our presence was of no one's concern. I realized immediately that the class we visited will not be our Sunday school home. As for leaving the class, someone overhead me tell my husband that I wanted to leave and he made a comment about no one speaking to us, so two women walked over, said hello, thanked us for coming to the class, asked how long we had been at HSBC, and when they realized we were not strangers to the church, they left us standing there again. We never made it out of the class because it started before I could make a move but I realized that we as Christians need to be aware of our environment and of those around us who may be alone in the world. The next time you go into church or your Sunday school class, find someone you do not know, welcome them to church or the class, ask them about themselves, if they are new to your church ask them about visiting your Sunday school class, and then ask them if they want to sit with you in church or SS. You never know when someone you meet may be alone and just need someone to welcome them and include them.